Unfathomable but I should have known…

Unfathomable but I should have known…

Unfathomable but I should have known…

LTME-postIt’s been about a month now since I decided I needed to take a break from talking to you… You said you couldn’t be with me but you care and wanted to be friends… I couldn’t do that. I love you with everything I am and small talk about the weather every few hours in texts was more than I could bear, especially when weeks before I was your everything. The only thing that makes me feel any better is thinking maybe you were just screwing with me all along, because I can’t for the life of me wrap my head around not only dropping but also destroying someone you connected with and cared for and couldn’t go an hour without talking to… But here I am just a game to you. I haven’t made it more than 2 days without crying since we split… over nothing might I add. Mr. Plan for Every Possible Occurrence, and you didn’t see it coming that anyone might find out about us. But the sick thing is… You could’ve been honest instead of leading me into falling in love with you and believing all the fairy tales you sold me about being together. I’m the least of your worries and you’re the majority of mine. There has to be a special place in hell for people who do things like that… making someone get so attached and promising them your heart and just walking away when the consequences get too scary for you… but at the same time I just keep thinking this isn’t real. You just have to work out whatever it is that you need to and you’ll be back because we’re eternal… I can’t imagine loving anyone else. Not the way we loved each other. And then I went crazy about it all and said things I half meant I suppose. But you were so distant when I hadn’t done anything to deserve that… but silly me thinking it was about me. It was you all along… You were preparing your out. Your way to get out of the trouble you were in for leading me on and doing what you did. Funny thing being, I never asked for any of this. You came to me… You wanted to take it to the next level with me, from friends to flirting, from flirting to lovers and from lovers to “soulmates”? I would’ve left you be. But no. You had to drag my heart into your reach and smash it. My husband found out about us… and you ended up being the toughest chickenshit I’ve ever met. I accepted all those consequences for you so your wife wouldn’t know. Enjoy your retirement pay. You probably aren’t even getting a divorce. Ever… Probably were never really split up either. It makes me so sick to think you could do this to me and have no explanation for it. I’m hurt… It’s starting to numb but what I would do to hear you say “Just Kidding” because this has got to be some sick joke. I don’t want anyone else… ever… Pathetic I know. Part of me knew I was never good enough for you anyway.

1 Comment

  1. Pluma 2 years ago

    Wait they used you and you think that you are not good enough for them….Am I missing something here?
    I mean in the grand way of the world we are all equals. Keeping that in mind , you deserve to be treat as not
    just good enough .. but so much more.. Remember that when you have your moments of Automatic , Negative
    Thought… An ‘ then give your self a kiss and say I deserve a love that is true… <3

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