I take 5 steps in the right direction & then something happens & I’m left wondering how your doing, questioning if you even think about me anymore, do you even miss me, was I even good enough, if I wasn’t, why wasn’t I ? Was it something I did to make you want to leave, how did I fuck up that bad, why did you call me in August, we spoke for 20 minutes.. The call ended and I just cried, I wondered how you could call me, talk to me & then at the end say we can’t talk anymore, if ever. I wondered how you could hear my voice, hear me cry & still not come back, how can you do that ? I have spent so many nights begging the sky to make us find eachother again. I spent Everynight for nearly a year crying face down to a pillow, trying to work out why the fuck I can’t just stop the pain, I can’t cry anymore, I do.. But I can’t the way I used to, I used to be so upset and hurt, now I’m just a few pieces of a broken person. I just wish you knew, I want you back, I want to call you & just tell you everything I feel, I just want you to know everytime I don’t I almost do.. You’ve found love with another person & I will always look to her with hate in my heart, because she holds my whole world at night, while I try to hold myself together. I gave you my all, it was in pieces but I gave you my heart. You will always be my first love.