E,
it was never a choice to fall in love with you and it was choice to cheat on me. everything was so pure. all the arguments we had was just so little and easy to fix. we made so many memories at many places. it was a taste of true love. i would go back to relive those moments in a heartbeat. god, you were so in love with me and i never had to question it. you did everything to keep me happy and to never feel like i was neglected by you. i remember you singing to me when we have long car rides and always kissing my hand, i remember you cared about my feelings when it comes to us arguing, i remembered you were so afraid to lose me. i miss everything we had. you made me feel things i wish to never feel again in my life and things where i would cherish forever. you were my heaven and hell. we have seen the deepest parts of each other and grew close as not just lovers, but best friends. i swear you’ve made me feel so damn loved and you were my endless happiness. but i don’t know how you did it. i don’t know how you were able to hold and kiss her and not have a piece of me in your mind. after falling & being in love for 2 years, you felt all that for a girl for one night? what happened to me? i gave you everything and the real me to end up with you falling for someone else? i forgave you for so many other things you shouldn’t be forgiven for. you don’t deserve me at all. i let you beat me down to the point where i’m used to being hurt and let it happen to me. i don’t have self-love for myself and that’s a huge issue that you don’t care about. you don’t respect me or my feelings. why the fuck am i still in love with you? why is it that every time i’m ready to leave, i’m always pulled back towards you? i see you trying to make up for your mistakes and try to win my trust back but it’s not the same, E. things will never go back to the way it was and it will never feel like the love we used to have. even if you left her and try so hard to have me back in your arms, i will always be heartbroken by you. even when i’m happy and don’t seem hurt, it’s always going to hit me again and the pain will come and sting. you have changed everything about me and i can never get that back. i still love you, but i’m just so used to being hurt by you. i’m tired of feeling like this.