My dear bebe
There is no single moment of the day that I dont think about you.
All these plans I had in my mind collapsing in front of my eyes have sent me down the desperation route.
i knew we had problems, I knew we were not solving them, but I kept plowing through building our future, our house, our babies, our plans for new dogs, thinking that I would be able to overcome these problems we had. I thought that even if you were not interested at the time, i could still create a magic world for us.
What a mistake my love. I now realise that what we needed to do was work on our relationship and go to a counsellor or similar.
I know that I have mistreated you a lot. I always found you lacking class, style, knowledge, and so different to me.
I dont even understand why I miss you so much. Can I really go back to you, on your same version and try to accept all your defects. Because to me many are defects. I couldnt cope any more with been with someone always stones, always spaced out. Never wanting ex because the drugs were too many.
I loved you and coming out was needed, and I did it perhaps too late.
i wanted to make so many changes that never did and here I am, with new understanding of myself, new habits, a healthier lifestyle but I lost you.
I dont now how to get out of this.
My counsellor has helped me a lot. only in a few weeks I managed to quit the drugs, come out of the closet, begin to change a few things ( not all of course). I want to keep the changes but I dont want to loose you.
i never meant to.
When you tell me that you dont want to hear from em again, is that true or just to push me away.
I cant believe you dont love me any more. I can’t believe you dont miss woody, or my company.
How is it possible that you turned into this monster that despises me in such short time.
i love you very much, and there is nothing that is going to stop this feeling right now.
i am trying. I am trying very hard. i have made so many mistakes in the past weeks just to get you back.
i feel I have gone to crazy land and back in such short time.
I know I always criticised you too much, but the last 2 years have been so hard for both of us.
all my work problems. All the saving money to get the documents sorted.
i given you all I have, and I have put you first every time.
you said you dont love me any more. that you would call the police if i went to visit you.
tats was so hurtful. So mean of you.
Why would you call the police if I have never been aggressive. Shutting the door on my face and breaking up as we did has been so damaging, so hurtful, I dont know how to even process the whole thing.
I hope we can find a way to fix things someday.
I really miss you, and miss your smiles, and your sexy body, and your culture, your friends your calls, your messages. everything.
I know that this is not reaching you, but the only reason I am writing this is to try the silly no contact thing.
I do have great hopes for the future and I have to come out of my depression before been a good husband to you.
At least I am making every change possible to get back with you on sounder mind.
God please help us sort our problems, and enable us to fix our relationship. We have it all. We just need to clean up our game and get going with a happier lifestyle.
I love you deeply. Perhaps too much.
I hope somehow the air, the energy, karma, or whatever it is can help us both.
I hope you get this information even in your sleep. I do believe we are connected somehow,.
big kiss my love. I am going to sleep soon.
Being awake is too painful.
Love you deeply.
W