It’s been a while, a good 6 months now. I just want to apologise for how things ended. After we broke up, i brawled my eyes out & i started to be in this dark place of pushing everyone away and constantly starving myself to feel something. Eventually, i got out of it after the “fight” we had. I started to do so much self reflection & i realised i kept hurting you as much as i was hurt. 미안해. (mianhae)
I can’t be 100% sure about this but I might’ve forced a breakup because of my own selfishness. i felt too tired to be strong and kept fighting for you like what i did for the last few years. i wanted to leave because I didn’t felt like you were fighting for me. when we clearly never talked about this. It was jus shoved under the bed. things went worst when we had school :’)
it was never me who talked about us in school but your manipulative friend. how can i talk when i was never in school? it broke my heart when you thought of me that way. That’s why i got angry. 거슴저리게
But I shouldn’t have. mianhae
well basically everything that happened after you left was a blur. I don’t want to remember what happened but it all did. & i cant change it.
I have never been able to let you go because i love you this much. 정말.(jeong-mal) i tried keeping tabs on you since our friends are all mutuals to feel close to you again.
it took me awhile to realise i should stop if i want truly find myself and live again. As i tried doing that, I realised i became someone i should’ve never been. I did all the things you would’ve killed me for if we still talked. initially i jus wanted to be happy with people and it evolved into this darkness. i started to get colder and less welcoming to anyone i meet.
i told myself that it’s better to be lonely since I already lost you. 미쳤엉요 (michyeoss-eoyo)
I wrote many letters to you over the last few months, just like Lara Jean. One of your fav movies right?
I can’t get over you b, i been writing and crying. A lot has happened when you were gone, i could barely be strong & stronger for the people in my life.
it’s been so hard. but the fact you’re doing well, its a bittersweet feeling.
My smile was bright when I received your msg on my bday. 고맙어
towards the end of the day when u decide to block me, i felt so sad and the mood jus died For me. and it’s been bugging me for so long :’)
anywaysss, i hope you’re well & will always be. I will always love & root for you. no matter where you go.
stay true to you b, for whoever comes in your life & who’s gonna be a good & the one for you. we just weren’t meant to be despite all those years.