I forgive you. Not because what you did was right or honorable or even forgivable, but because I can’t hold on to it any longer.

In many ways I have moved on. I’ve rediscovered my own interests. I’ve broadened my horizons. But I still come back to you.

I’ve tried running – literally and figuratively. I’ve put thousands of miles and an ocean between us. And it worked, for a little while. But somehow you’d still creep back into my mind and pollute my thoughts and dreams.

I can’t say that I still love you. I can’t say that I don’t. I can’t say that I regret our time together. I can’ t say that I don’t.

I should say that I thank you though. If you hadn’t done what you did and if we somehow managed to stay together – I wouldn’t have had all of the opportunities and experiences that I have had since we broke up. I’ve gotten to see the world. Met new people. Had incredible experiences – that never would have happened with you by my side. So in many ways, I guess you were holding me back. Thanks for letting me fly.

I don’t think I was perfect – and I never claim that I was when telling our story to other people. I didn’t communicate well – mostly because I was too afraid of pushing you away. And for all of my wrongs, I am truly sorry. [What you did was still cowardly though].

Sometimes I wonder if you ever really loved me at all. Some days I’ll remember the good times and think, “Of course. Once.” Some days I’ll remember the bad times and think, “No. Never.” I don’t know if it’s better or worse to not have an answer for this. I do still remember our last kiss. You can’t tell me it wasn’t electrifying – 6 years all rolled up into something that lasted less than 5 seconds.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think of me after all this time. Am I your “One that got away?”

I do sincerely hope you’ve changed your ways. You were quite frankly, a compulsive liar. I truly think you were just insecure with yourself. I hope you got over that – because I was always being honest when I told you I saw something in you.

I wish you well, I truly do. But I can’t hold on any longer. Now please, get out of my head and my heart so I can finally open them to someone new.

-K