From the first day I met you I instantly felt a connection with you. I was comfortable being around you, I could talk to you, and I felt happy. When we first started going out we had a couple rough arguments about certain things and I almost thought about breaking up with you then but I didn’t want to give up that easily. Over time I started to notice a trend of us loving each other and then getting mad and breaking up or not talking or constantly arguing. Some of it is my fault and my stupidity but I also felt like you tried to guilt trip me a lot instead of being help accountable for things that were kept secret from me. You always told me that we shouldn’t hide things from each other but yet that wasn’t fulfilled. After I found out about greg and that you’ve known him for a long it honestly made me question if you were withholding things from me and your past with him or any other guy. Yes, I messed up with Keirsten even though we never actually did anything besides have friendly conversations. But it started even before that… in January of last year you completely changed on me and I really don’t know why. You became distant, constantly pissed off at me, and stopped wanting affection of every type (hug, kiss, sex) and that left me so confused and angered. And about trust, there were times when I trusted you and times when I didn’t because of your behavior. I think we had something special and it was right but things change with time and not necessarily in a good way. I’m pretty sure I still love even thought I try to tell myself to forget about and that I don’t love you… mainly because I’m so hurt. Every day I tell myself to move on, that I’ll find another girl, and everything will be fine and dandy but at the same time it’s hard to erase almost 4 years. Things have been so damaged I don’t think it can be ever be fully repaired and unfortunately I don’t believe we will ever be a “thing” again. I’m pretty sure you hate me but that’s okay. I don’t hate you, I’m just disappointed with a lot of things that have happened. You were extremely stubborn and never wanted to compromise because you wanted to be left alone so you could “live your life” or whatever. If you actually loved me you would’ve been willing to give up things or change certain behaviors but you wouldn’t and I wasn’t going to let you walk over me and bully me so you could have your way. There were good times, bad times, but in the end what’s done is done and my mom told me that this will all just be a funny story to tell my future kids and that’s the only thing that’s been helping me get over you. I’m pretty sick and will be for awhile, probably depressed because of my sickness, and every day is a struggle. I tell myself that I don’t want to talk to you or see you again for the rest of my life but it’s probably just because I’m upset. I wish I could change things but I don’t see that ever happening and it’s sad but it’s a part of life. I told you a long time ago that you carved a special place in my heart and I still believe that. I’ve learned a lot from you and our relationship and I’m going to use it for my future relationships so I don’t let bad things happen and that I also change for the better. I wish you the best in life and that you find someone that you truly love and are happy with.
From my heart to yours,
~ Aaron ~