I don’t think you and I know each other well. Probably, your first impression of me is either I’m too quiet where I can look fierce or sad.. however to me, when I first saw you with colleague A and colleague J during my first offsite visit to other division. I actually find myself being attracted to you by your masculinity in your appearance and your professionalism when you interact with them. From that point there, I have always thought of hoping to see you and hoping to have a chance to talk to you.
There are times where I can find myself daydreaming of each different scenario where I actually have a chance to see you and talk to you.. but I know that in person.. I’m too shy and embarrassed to do so.. >////< I remember the second encounter was where I didn't realize the person whom held open the door as I leave through towards the gate access was you. To be honest, I was somehow quite surprised that you were the one where you somehow have come back from your exercise or something based on the workout clothing you wore that day.. I was also quite surprised that you actually somehow still can recognize me even though I didn't give much impression.. However after that, I have always thought that this was somewhat the last encounter until I was assigned to help you in planning the welfare activity. I was actually jumping for excitement to know that I'm working with you.. I still remember how embarrassed I really felt when I first IM you in skype.. but somehow it actually give me some motivation to work hard for the welfare activity.. Still, there are harsh and yet depressing times where I have to be aware of my own reality for my own career as I'm still under contract and have yet to be determined whether I still can carry on or not.. it also made me realize about myself on how someone like me can't be on par with you especially the qualities of being your woman by your side.. I probably can guess you sure will have some kind of education background that's better than mine. In all of this, I have to be aware of my own feelings especially the risk of office romance. Kouta-san... do you remember how you come to my department office to look for me to verify everyone's availability date for the ice-cream workshop? At that time when the door was open, I stood there in shock and yet having a screaming of excitement when I saw you. It actually reminds me of the scene in gozen reiji kiss ni shite yo manga where the main guy look for the main girl in her class to return back the pair of shoes that somehow broke during their encounter. I just didn't know how to handle this much of surprises that made myself couldn't really sleep after that.. But sadly, this feeling that I have back then was already gone when I pray to God to make myself be alright and hoping there's nothing serious about the ovary cyst I have. Although God have let me overcome this, in return I give God a portion of my feelings to you while the remainder of it was still in my heart.. Of course all of the harsh reminders about my own career turns out to be some warnings from God about you. When i saved your contact no. And tried to sync in some social media accounts.. the ugly truth have already come to light where it turns out that you actually have a woman whom is very close to you and it's somehow your girlfriend.. All of it made the encounters that we both have come crumbling to the reality.. even though it was something I have been through it before, this one felt more hurt and heartbroken because all of it actually felt like a manga that actually turns out to be fraud. I couldn't really make myself attend volunteer work and really cried out.. To be honest, I thought having heart broken after breakup from my first boyfriend was worse.. But I didn't know it actually hurts me so much where there are time I still cried when I hear a song that reminds me of you.. I couldn't wipe away the image of the woman you were with in your instagram because she reminds me of my past relationship.. I remember how I saw you again during the meeting with the Chairman.. There was still a lingering sense of hurt, heart broken and regret.. I can only blame myself for being naive and foolish enough to think I could deserve a romance from a manga series.. But till the very end, I remember telling myself that if I were to ever fall in love while working in this company, I definitely will have to quit my job.. Till the very last moment in helping you out for the ice cream workshop, the very last memory I hope you can remember me will not be my sad face I made but a smile where I actually enjoy in the workshop.. Even just a little, I would really hope you can remember it.. And of course, I won't forget the smile and your fun expression in the workshop.. I really hope this is a final keepsake I can have before my last day of employment... If we have met earlier, I would have told you how I really felt for you.. I wish you well.. Goodbye kouta-san... Thank you for being someone whom I thought might be my new boyfriend..