You’re funny, a little odd but a little odd in a ‘I wanna squeeze you all day’ way. You made me feel safe and secure and for once I could feel my breath right from my diaphragm, it had been a long time since I recognised what a real breath felt like. You were cheeky, in all the right ways and a gentleman when I needed one. But, now it’s over, this short but sweet life event has finished and although I’m not ready to get off this ride, I respect that you are.
I just wanted to firstly say sorry to you, I’m sorry it was me who walked in that room on that specific day, I’m sorry it was me who messaged you with the excuse of a film night because I was so desperate to talk to you and I’m sorry it was me that your mind chose to spend that time with. Mostly because maybe if this had been different, maybe if our minds had developed and our hearts had had a rest we would have a better chance at this ride in the future and it wouldn’t be over. I’m sorry I have the worlds weakest heart but strongest temper, I’m sorry I’m a fighter in this game of love but mostly I’m sorry that it was you who was the victim in all this. J, you are something special, something unique and something better than you can ever comprehend.
You have a brain full of beautiful creativity, you have a heart full of justice and determination and you have a body that will stop at nothing for success and I am in awe of you and I have been from the start. Please never forget that. Never forget I will always be a cheerleader in your life because even if our story dies, my belief in you never will. I don’t know what our future holds, whether we will ever be friends or not, but I am so grateful for what we had. I will always be here to offer virtual hugs when your brain is messy or you wanna scream at someone, I will always be here for late night chats and I will always just be here.
I could have filled this page with the anger, the frustration or the loneliness that wears n my tired little heart but I didn’t want to. Because, if you remember I’m here no matter how I feel that’s all that matters. You will always be important to me and so forgiveness may be hard and your words may open up wounds I forgot existed but it was I must give you. I forgive you for breaking my heart.
Finally, thank you. Thank you for the moments you’d listen to me when I needed it and for letting me hold you when your head felt like it might explode. Thank you for making me feel something, this depression can eat away at every emotion life shows me and you made it possible to steal them back. Thank you for showing me that a victim of rape, an abused child and a neglected individual is not defined by their experience but by the own self-worth.
You are one of the greatest, most talented individuals I have ever been blessed to meet and you have influenced my life and given me days full of the brightest times. I can never thank you enough for being you, so never doubt how truly incredible you are.
Over and Out my crazy J-dawwwg,
Love your lil crazy hurricane, S. xxx