I’m sorry that I ever brought you into my life. Most of the time I wish I had never met you. But I also know that I am getting stronger, that this is part of my life’s journey, and I am simultaneously relieved and sad to know that you will always be weak and afraid. I’ve learned so much about myself; you on the other hand won’t look in the mirror because you won’t like what you see. And rightly so.

You shattered my world. One day planning a future together, the “love of your life,” the next day leaving me completely without warning, shaming me into believing it was all my fault and telling me that I’m a terrible person. After all I did for you and with you. You never communicated any of your frustration with me, you led me on and waited until the perfect moment to drop me on my head so that you could cry wolf, feeding off of others’ sympath and perpetuating your victim act. With time, things are so much more clear.

You don’t deserve me and I’m better off without you. I cannot wait for the day that my heart catches up with my head, I can feel it coming more and more with each passing day. Every time your spiteful words come back into my mind I am able to shake them off more quickly. Every time I feel love for you I am more quick to realize that the love is within me and that it will spill out for someone so much more worthy when the time is right.

While I was reeling from the breakup and your anger and hurt, empathizing SO deeply with you, you were off telling (or implying to, with a tear in your eye) every friend of mine who would listen what a bad person I am. You spoke ill of me and my family, who brought you in and showed you a life you couldn’t have ever dreamed of. You spread vicious lies and exaggerations, destroying my reputation and ruining important friendships of mine, leaving me isolated on top of it all. I played right into it, validating you without knowing what you were actually saying behind my back. You played me like a complete fool, and I fell for it so hard. And that is a testament to me and the trust I place in others. I am more guarded now, but I will never stop seeing the good in others. Just because I can no longer trust you doesn’t mean I can never trust again. It just means I am that much closer to knowing who I can or cannot trust, and choosing so much more carefully and wisely who to bring into my awesome life.

You played the heartbroken victim to me and all of my friends (who I brought into your life), meanwhile you were actually over me and were off seeking comfort in other men because you need validation from outside of yourself to feel worthy. Then, you came back around and led me on, only to drop me on my head again with one text message! And when I implied that I just wanted to make things right between us and not get back together you freaked out! You’re a coward, and it’s all abou control with you. You were controlling in the relationship, you were controlling and manipulative in the breakup, and you continue to dance around my life just to watch me squirm. That doesn’t make you strong. That makes you a coward. You are a wolf in sheeps clothing, and you make me sick.

You’re messed up in the head. You led me to believe I would be different, but turns out youre playing the same sad story over and over again. All the stories you told about your “crazy” exes to garner my sympathy — you’re now doing to the next man and everyone who will listen, only I’m the villain now.

Darling, destroying someone else won’t fix you. I hope you learn that before you cause any more damage in this world.

My god, the red flags I missed. Your anorexia and need for control. The burned bridges littered throughout your past. Your lack of your own sense of self. The time you wouldn’t help a depressed friend because it was too inconvenient to you. Your status-obsessed mother with a romantic past littered with betrayal and two-timing and vindictiveness.

Thank god I did not marry you!

I still see and empathize with your perspective, I know my failings, I’m working on them tirelessly. Except now I’m doing it for me, and my next partner will benefit. I will never fall into a trap like you again. The difference between 6 months ago and now is: with time I have realized how warped and twisted your perspective is, and I empathize only because I now realize you will be always miserable deep inside unless you find help. Breaks my heart that a human can be so damaged and oblivious to the trail of pain they leave in their dust.

You are not a good person. I caught you telling so many lies, lie after lie, anything to protect your image after the nasty thing you did. I can say with conviction that at least I was honest. At least I owned up to my failings. At least I took the time to consider all perspectives. I accepted and loved you unconditionally despite your mental health issues. Feels like you raped my soul, and unloaded all your baggage onto me.

Good luck with your damsel of distress act. I hope you’ve learned something about how to be a better person in your destruction, but I doubt it. I highly doubt it because you continue to poison my social circles without any thought of my need to heal away from you. You’re selfish, you’re a textbook covert narcissist, you are manipulative and downright mean. Your smear campaigning and bullying is that of a seriously disordered person. Reading about covert narcissism and sociopathy — it’s like you followed a predefined script. You’re sick in the head, I always knew it and loved you despite it, but I never knew just how truly sick you are until I saw the real you during and after our breakup.

I want to help, but I can’t fix you. Nobody can. Your damsel of distress act won’t work on me now that I can see what is behind your “sweet” mask. I used to call you the sweetest person I’ve ever met; you gently disagreed and felt uncomfortable when I said that; now I know why you hated yourself so much deep inside. While you might get a little temporary high and an ego boost from watching me break into tiny little pieces, your next relationship is going down in flames once the honeymoon phase you so desparately chase after wears off just like any other drug.

I gave you my world, and with each passing day I’m reclaiming it. I was never lost at all. You just got deep inside my head and attacked me with everything you knew about me, every vulnerability I shared or you could detect. That’s on me. I let it happen. And now I will make sure it never happens to me again.

Thank you for teaching me what love is NOT. Thank you for teaching me what I should run away from in the future. Thank you for teaching me to listen to my instincts, and to listen to peoples’ actions and not their words. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for leaving me — it probably saved my life. I wish you would just get going and leave my life entirely — but I’m not worrying about that as much any more; sweet, sweet indifference is on the way.