I wish you knew how I feel

I wish you knew how I feel

I wish you knew how I feel

LTME-postHi Amália
I doubt you’ll see this but I guess it’ll put my mind at rest to think there’s a chance you could see it and get in touch. It’s been more than a year since we spoke with each other and I still miss you. No idea why but I just do. When we were together I didn’t know too much about love or anything so I just jumped straight into a relationship with you to see how it was and I lied and told you I was 3 years older than I actually was but when I started to get feelings towards you I broke down. I felt on top of the world when you accepted it and we made up. We carried on and I’ll be honest I still had feelings for you but in the end I wanted to break up with you because I was scared of what people would say about us and I was terrified of telling my parents or family I had a girlfriend that was older than me by 3 years.

Even hours after we broke up and stopped texting for the first time it hit me like 5000 tons of bricks. I was heartbroken. I tried getting in touch but you know it didn’t work out I was so confused. Months later i asked to talk and I told you I was sorry for annoying you straight after the break up and that was it I felt a lot better. A little pain disappeared after and I didn’t feel any pain in those last texts. Nothing’s changed I never realised how much I loved you and I only love you more now. The physical pain in my chest when I think of what could’ve been is excruciating. After that my world fell apart my parents split, my brother was in hospital, I wanted to die.

I hate myself for breaking up with you. Everything about you is perfect. It’s a common thought in my head that if we were still together would you be proud. I pray to God for another chance and pray you don’t hate me.

I have nothing anymore. I only have my thoughts.

You told me I should move on and stop thinking about you but I can’t see that happening after so many sleepless nights listening to our songs and thinking of when life was good. I keep my emotions inside locked up, thinking one day I can let them all flood out to you over the phone or in person I don’t care. If I’m ever in front of the whole world I’ll sure ask to see how you are. No idea where you are but I hope you see this or get told about this. I’d appreciate it if you got in touch with me if it’s to try again or just talk to eachother normally like a nice catch up. My numbers the same and you should be able to find my instagram soon if you look up my name, I still live up north too so whatever you want.

I love you
From F.F

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