You know I don’t sugar coat things, so I’m not gonna start now. You are crazy.

I met you just after I lost touch with my first love. I was a vulnerable 16 year old and you were the amazing handsome older neighbor boy who offered me rides in your truck and made sure to let me know I was beautiful. Where my last one saw me as a child, you saw me as an untamable beast. Once you even said I was a unicorn.

You were the best and worst thing for me in that moment. You gave me my first cigarette, and every one after that until I turned 18 and could buy my own. You gave me my first taste of vodka, my first hit of marijuana. It was exciting for a teenage girl who was searching for an adventure.

I would sneak out late at night and we’d sit in that apartment of yours, your brothers coming and going through the night. Yes, it was amazing. I thought you were my prince. My night in shining armor.

Then I went to your medicine cabinet to get headache pills. I saw all the meds you took. You told me you had depression but there had to be 8-9 bottles of prescriptions in there. When I asked you you went quiet.

A few weeks later I didn’t come over because of homework, and your brother called me, begging me to come over. He sounded scared. I hurried and you were screaming, clawing at yourself, kicking like a child. I got into your face and screamed at you to shut up and you did, which your brothers found strange.

And the night you told me you loved me was the worst. I didn’t say it back because I didn’t love you and I wasn’t going to lie. I just said okay. Then you pulled out your butterfly knife and threw it across the room in my direction.

And the time you slapped me because I spat in your face. I told you if you ever laid your hands on me again you would never see me again. And that’s how we ended.

1 year later you punched me in the stomach and I walked out of that apartment I wasted most of my late teens in, and you haven’t seen me since.

Thanks for the nicotine addiction and trust issues
– The Girl Who Will Never Love You