You remember that name? That’s what I called you when we were kids. Even before we were in love, when we were best friends, you were always darling and I was always doll. It’s funny, we went from strangers to best friends to lovers to nothing within the span of 3 years.
And now, with us being best friends again, the 3 year anniversary of our breakup coming up, I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. I don’t think you ever left there anyway.
I didn’t know it then, but I realize now you loved me. We were 16 and you loved me. You loved me and I loved that you loved me, but I wanted to have an adventure and you wanted to grow up.
We tend to focus on the good times when we miss the people who made us feel loved. Like when you kissed me in the elementary school bathroom while I waited for my sisters school to end. The times you would stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep because I’m afraid of the dark. The nights I would call you when I felt the world closing in on me.
But there were bad times too. Like when I got my nose pierced and started wearing my hair in its natural curls. You told me I looked trashy. You didn’t mean to hurt me, I knew that then too. Like I said you wanted to grow up, and I think you wanted me to also.
You were my first love. When I found my love of words all my poems were about your Atlantic eyes and constellation freckles. Every boy that’s ever touched me since you has had to run a secret competition in my brain with you. You haunt my dreams. At night I find myself whispering your name.
Like I said, were best friends again. You achieved your goal of growing up and your guiding me on my adventure. You never said sorry for the times you made me cry over my loud lipstick and colored hair, but I still call you when I feel the world closing in.
You’re my soulmate. Maybe we won’t ever be romantically together again, but you’re still my soulmate. My best friend. My darling.
– your Doll