It’s been eight months and eight days since you left. I’ve told myself that I wouldn’t write another letter to you, and yet here I am writing another one. Recently, I’ve thought about you. It was so out of the blue that I’ve had dreams about you and they’re almost the same. Although there was this one dream where you sent me the notebook where you wrote your poems. I just find it weird. Then I wonder if you’re doing okay, physically and mentally. And if your family are well and safe. I wanted to message you but I was having my doubts that you even want to hear from me. I guess I no longer have the courage to do so. Besides it’s been three months since we last talk so I don’t know how you’ll react.

The past months weren’t easy for me, it’s just like a rollercoaster going downhill. Life happens. So many things had been cancelled due to this pandemic. Although I know that I’m not the only one depressing over it. But the whole quarantine thing had taught me to value the things I had, it was too late tho, and the things I still have. I’ve learned to cook during this quarantine just like everyone else, I’m proud of that tho. I also had the chance to be alone, got the chance to discover new things and relearn something about myself that I’ve forgotten. I want to tell you about these stuffs and so many other things. I want to share so many stories with you and show you silly videos and memes. Then it hit me, I realized that I miss you. I miss having my best friend. I miss my Panda. Ugh, it’s really difficult to lose someone important to you.

I know you’ve already moved on while I haven’t completely moved on yet. I know I haven’t yet because if I did I wouldn’t be writing this letter. It sucks how things can go back and mess things up again. But if I’m honest, I still love you, genuinely and unconditionally. Maybe not that much anymore but I still do. I don’t know for how long or will I ever stop or will I just love someone more than I’ve loved you. It’s just hard to just forget someone you loved so deeply. I fell in love with you without touching your body, I fell in love with your soul, with your flaws, with your mind. And forgetting and moving on doesn’t happen overnight or just a month or in three months. Things didn’t go as we want it to be maybe God have a better plan for both of us. I want to think that this is a challenge for us, that when things are better we will find ourselves crossing paths again. Maybe we will or we will not, but who knows. But for now, let me continue to love you from a distance until my heart forgets how to love you. Until my heart have learned to completely let you go.

I want to let you know that I wish you well. I hope you’re happy and doing well. No matter what happened between us and despite of the distance, I will always be your friend. Your supporter and someone who will always believe in you. And that, I care for you. I hope you haven’t forgotten about that. And when things go rough, I hope you do remember.

Suzu