I hope you will find this

I hope you will find this

I hope you will find this

Hi. I know it’s the last thing you expected to receive an email from me but I need this to get out of my chest. To start with, do you know the movie “Flipped”? — when a girl fell in love but the guy cannot reciprocate the blossoming feelings of the girl then eventually he falls in love with her? I am that now. I’ve written this email few days after P’s birthday when you were there with your girl. I cannot help but to sit with my thoughts after and think of all my regrets and what-if scenarios. As you can see, I wrote this on someone’s website so as to avoid stirring up any emotions nor give you something to worry about. I respect your new relationship as much as I respect you. 

I’ll be honest, after what we had, I still think about you, about us — how you took care of me, how you made me feel safe, how you loved me. I then began to question if I have made the right decision in light of what I feel. Don’t get me wrong, I was also happy with her but that doesn’t hide the fact that I still think “What if I had gone with you? Was I felt more loved and secured? Was I happier?”. I don’t know where it all went wrong, or if it ever really went right, now that I look back on it all I know I badly wounded you, leaving you to wonder why I did not choose you. Please don’t get me wrong, I was, to be honest, still in love with my ex at that time. I yearned for her presence by my side. I was so blind that I was oblivious to the fact that you genuinely loved me. It’s funny because all I can do is celebrate your happiness while you are too busy for me to chase you right now. 

I can see that you are loved and have everything that you deserve but I wanted you to know a few things — always know I did love you and I want to pursue you now but still, and as always, the universe really messes with me every time I want to be happy. 

Anyway, just ignore this. I was lead by my emotions. I am only a human, I will have moments of weakness.

Just continue to be happy. You’ve always had a beautiful mind, among the people I know. I adore your heart, really.


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