I know it’s been 6 months since I left you. I hope you know I never wanted to leave you. I wanted to be able to handle more and push myself further and not give up on us. I said I would never give up on us. Oh how I tried so hard to never give up on us. But you were pushing me away for a while. Pushing me away so much I became numb. I loved you with every part of me but I started to look at you like I didn’t even know you anymore. I tried to give you signs you were pushing me away, I tried to tell you. But you pushed it aside like you expected me to never leave. I didn’t want to leave.

I’m so mad I left. But I’m so mad you made me feel like I had to leave to be happy. I love you. I always will. You were my first love and that will never change. You always will have a piece of me. I will always still be a little bit yours. You hurt me. But I know I hurt you. And I am truly extremely so sorry for that, I never wanted to ever hurt you. But we can’t rewind time, I want to so bad and I feel if you’re still the man I fell in love with, I know that you wish we could rewind time too. I pray to God maybe he has a better plan for us in the future.

I love you so much, you just hurt me so bad. Now all I’m left with is memories. I think about the littlest things that used to be so annoying to us, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I can’t watch the new seasons of our tv shows, it doesn’t feel the same without you next to me. The place we spent most of our time every night and every day, is now where I spend my time alone and it doesn’t feel right. I stopped doing a lot of things because it was things we used to do together, it hurts me. This hurts me no matter how much you think because I left that I wouldn’t be hurt.

I’m shattered. My heart is completely broken. But the one thing that remains is you. My heart no matter how broken will always have a home for you. My mind is filled with our memories. Thank you for fulfilling my dream of seeing the ocean. But what I can’t thank you for is not noticing what you were doing to me. I wish I could go back to before I reached my limit to scream at you to tell you please stop before my heart can’t handle it anymore. “Do you have kids together” No. That hurt me, it looked like it hurt you too. Because we both thought we had a future together. But what happened. Where did it all go wrong? What could have happened if we noticed when it went wrong and fixed it?

Do you remember the first day you told me you loved me? It was my birthday. Do you remember this? “Until Then..”, that was our saying. Until then. Well look at us now. I’m hurting. I still love you. But I didn’t see you ever changing. You have to understand the situation I was in that night and all the times leading up to that night. I am sorry I hurt you. I still love you. Maybe one day we can talk about us..until then. I will always love you, my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.