I wasn’t myself for awhile. i couldn’t feel anything and i was numb for months. every relationship i had been in had left me screwed. all the boys from before left me worse than before. then i met you. you were my best friend, my person and i came to you with everything. you became a big part of my heart and that’s when i realized i loved you like a love in a cheesy romantic kiss in the rain, boom box outside your window cheesy way. i loved you more than i loved myself. you told me you felt the same and after all the time of being numb, you made me feel something and i got attached.

My friends thought i was crazy and i was making a mistake but they didn’t get it. i saw the side of you that you showed no one else, they didn’t get how your smile made my day or when i looked into your eyes i felt safe and when i saw you it was like the first time every time, like a dog seeing it’s owner. we would facetime and you told me how i was different.

You’re the one thing i cherished when everything was taken. everything was taken from me but i had the comfort of knowing you were mine and that was the most comforting feeling ever. but there was her. the girl you left me for. i was too dumb to notice or i was denying that you looked at her the same way you looked at me. you loved her more and that’s okay because sometimes love isn’t enough to make a relationship last, love is a sacrifice and i know this because i want you to be happy even if it isn’t with me. she makes you happier and that’s okay.

I loved you more in what we had and it shows because out of the many times you left me in the dark and pulled the rug from under me, and no matter what my friends said i still fought bloody for you and i wasn’t about to lose that war. but i lost. i wasn’t enough and i was tired of putting up a losing fight. she didn’t even love you. you could’ve had something good with me but i guess not. the love that i gave you was only pure and you won’t ever get that shit again. all of my confidence in myself is now gone. i’m insecure. she was so much prettier and thicker than me so i forced myself to eat until i puked.

My friends told me to stop and that you weren’t coming back and i knew you weren’t but i still waited for you. i still am because my gut is telling me to wait. i’m in pain and you don’t care that you inflicted that on me. but i hope you find a girl that loves you even half as much as i do. i loved you more that you could ever imagine. but i have to move on whether it’s me smiling through the pain or crying it out until i meet someone else. i just don’t think i was made for love. just please be happy and i want to make sure i did my job right by making you happy with who you are and you’re confident in what you do best. i love you and thank you for showing my what love isn’t. you showed her what love was but i don’t think i got the full idea. maybe one day e can fix that but until then, take care of yourself please. i love you 3000 just like we use to say.