Around 10 am, while I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed I saw this person whom my friend on Facebook and he tagged someone whom I know, which is probably my ex-boyfriend for 5 years, and he is the longest relationship that I had. 2 months ago, after 4 or maybe 5 years we met accidentally in this milk tea shop along with my mother. I was so shocked to the point that I didn’t even recognize him at first because he has this long hair, he was looking at me and the same as me, but I know it’s him, cause my heart beat very fast, I was so nervous and my breathing is getting to fast like I can’t breathe because it’s him.

We never had closure after the breakup, and hell! We don’t even know how we broke up, it’s just the communication died. While I and my mom ordered our milk teas I keep on looking at him, and try to figure out why out of nowhere I just saw him, in a wrong situation when I can’t even come to him because my mom is there and I don’t even want my mom asking me stupid questions for Pete’s sake!. Fast forward, there are days that I can’t stop thinking about him, like the way he calls me my baby, my wife, or the way he sang the song “little things” by 1D, It just makes my heart so happy and relax.

Even if we just do in the past is message each other or call each other. And yeah, we never meet, nor video call for 5 fucking years. I have some doubts that maybe it’s not him, I mean acting like someone else, and yeah! I just confirmed it today, that the guy I loved in the fucking picture and the guy I loved 5 years ago isn’t the same, the sad part is that I don’t even know whom I loved 5 years ago.

I feel betrayed, fool, stupid and angry, cause hey? who wouldn’t be right? even if you say it’s been too long since I and him broke up, it still matters cause I treasured it so much. So much that I even question myself worth now, and recently I’ve been played on and cheated on. It’s just so sad, that he even give me a teddy bear as a birthday gift and even name that teddy our son’s name. I wanna scream and get furious at the world because I’m a good person, I’m a good friend, a good companion, but why???? what is lacking in me! I know I deserve more, more than I could never know. but why? I just wanna love and be loved, for 5 years of loving you is like loving the air I breathe.