I still think about marrying you, isn’t that pathetic

I still think about marrying you, isn’t that pathetic

I still think about marrying you, isn’t that pathetic

LTME-postDear Ex,
I’ve written countless letters and numerous text messages to myself to no avail. I have cried to so many people and poured out my heart to many, but the heart break is still not over. It’s been almost 5 months since we broke up and I still think about the why, how, and what we could have done differently. I so wish that we could have been friends, but after your actions afterwards, that was not a possibility. Maybe it was not a possibility because I knew I loved you so much more. Being friends would not have been enough for me. I also know I will never stop loving you and the life we had envisioned for ourself will take a long time to disappear. Just once I wanted you to tell me you wanted me. Just once I wanted you to tell me I will be okay and that we will be okay. But now, I know you have done way too many things for me to ever be able to have you back. I don’t want to be with you, but I want you to be with me. Does that make sense. How messed up is that. I tried the no contact rule, still thinking you would message me. I can’t understand how you don’t care about me and I can’t understand how you can pretend you don’t have feelings for me, because I know you do. Your ego is just too strong for you to admit it. That’s fine. I should not want anything to do with you right? Will I find someone better than you? Will I find someone who will prove not with his words, but with his actions that I mean the world to him. I hope there is still a chance for me to find love, and I hope I can love myself first before I let another person in my life again. I thought that would have been you. I still think about marrying you, isn’t that pathetic? Why did you make me believe you were a great guy, and then change everything? It still feels like a dream sometimes, and I have to wake up and remind myself every morning that I am strong, and can move on. I will be okay. I wish I never see you again. Good bye.

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