Dear Kels,

I’m writing this because I’m bad at goodbyes and I somehow convinced myself that this is the better-way. 

I wanted you to know I genuinely loved, love you. You are my first true love. I’m not mad were not together and I don’t hate you even though i wish I did sometimes because it would make this easier.

I understand now that it’s not because you want to be alone or can’t be with anyone-right now it’s just because you don’t want to be with me. 

I felt like I was fighting an impossible fight trying to get you back and show you that I can love you differently  It was necessary because you mean that much to me. After taking a step back from our relationship I could finally answer the question you’ve asked so many times “Why do you love me”/“Why do you want to be in a relationship with me”. 

I couldn’t keep holding on to hope that would never come, doing so made me lose myself. I started hurting myself more sticking around instead of letting go.

Everyday I’d want to ask you how you are doing, how your day has been, and embrace the little moments with you that I took for granted but then I remember it’s not my job anymore. 

I’ve finally accepted that my role in your life has changed and it’s finally time for me to let you go. It’s time for me to move on with my life the same way you did with yours

I’ve felt every negative emotion through the last month from sad to mad and everything in between, it wasn’t until recently where I found happiness. 

I realized I don’t get to be mad because you did nothing wrong, I wish you would’ve been more straightforward with our breakup but I understand it. My sadness has faded its still there from time to time but that’s normal, it feels good to feel all emotions and more humanlike. I found happiness in seeing you get your smile back, wish I was the one giving it but I’m glad it’s there nonetheless.

I care about you enough to think that you deserve to be loved by someone other than me. The whole moon should be placed in your hands and I wish I could be the one to give it to you but I can’t. Your stars will align with someone else’s and there is a part of me that’s jealous because I know I’ll miss you and the comfort you carry but I don’t want to be selfish anymore. I am not the for you just like you are not the one for me  and I don’t know why it has to be that way but I guess someday we will both see. 

I am very grateful that you were apart of my life and I appreciate the time we spent together. You’ll always be in my heart and I’ll always be here for you but for now I have to say farewell to the best part of my last couple of years. 

I wish you nothing but continued happiness, success and I hope you accomplish everything you want in life.

There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are you will always be in my heart. It may become less and less as time goes on but you’ll always be there. 

I wanted one more chance  but I recognize that there are no more one mores, we met each other when everything was new and exciting and the possibilities of the world for us were endless, and they still are. For you, for me but not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there I guess we didn’t just grow apart, we grew up (ima late boomer). When something breaks if the pieces are large enough, you can fix it. Unfortunately sometimes things don’t break they shatter, but every once in a while when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter, and in those moments when the pieces of what we are  catch the sun. I’ll remember just how beautiful it was, how beautiful it will always be, because it was us. 

A tragic end to a beautiful beginning 

I’ll love you always and forever