Hey.
It has been three weeks since our beautiful eight months ended. I remember how we were counting the days for one month, two months, three months.. All the way to the last month.

What happened?
I was ugly towards you. Beauty and the beast. Only that the beast was me. On the inside. I was horrible to you. 50% of the time it wasnt even your fault. It was me and my fucking anger issues. Im sorry I put you through that. Im sorry I didnt try talking. Im sorry my anger always got the best of me. My impulisive, egoistical self. Im sorry I didnt treat you better. Im sorry I didnt try to understand. We’re young and stupid. And I hope we mature and get back together at some point.

You’re the first one who ever made love to me. You loved me for my personality and soul. It wasnt unrequited – I loved you as much as you loved me, if not more. Difference is that I still love you.. you dont. I told you I’d love you forever and I meant it. Even after the breakup. Even if you find somebody new.. which I hope doesnt happen. I hope we’ll grow as people and get back together. 

I shouldve been more patient with you and understanding. I regret not being that. At least I was always there for you. And I notice by the way you’re replying to me that you’ve lost all your feelings. Remember when you talked to girls that hit you up? Super dry, cold and caring? Thats how you reply to me. And it hurts so much. It always annoyed you that I had so many guys hitting me up and it hurts that you dont care anymore. I dont talk to them. I dont even make plans. Im still hoping that this will work out, somehow, magically. 

I’m writing this at work. Trying my hardest not to cry as I’ve scrolled through this page finding so many letters that resonate, that make me tilt my head down and take a deep breath. I cant cry at work lol..

I dont think we were bad for each other. We were just immature, but hey, we’re 20. Of course it wont be rainbows and sunshine. Its our first time being in a relationship. We learned a lot though, right? Our first time ever having feelings for somebody. And it was beautiful. Now its just unrequited and cold.. which reminds me I still have to pick up my things that are at your place. And when I do, I hope we can have a talk. For me, really. I think you’ll benefit from it too.. a proper closure. 

I love you and I miss you

C