A…

I don’t hate you – I just hate the way I miss you. 

Not the real ‘you’, but the ‘you’ that I made up in my head.
The imaginary ‘you’ that I always thought you had the potential to one day become. The ‘you’ that would unconditionally love, respect, appreciate and care for me the way I did for him. LOVE – just for the sake of Our Creator.

Until I realized that you would never be capable of doing that, because unlike me, you never understood the concept of this dunyah.
You never understood RESPECT, HONESTY, LOYALTY, and many more things that are the basic foundation of any relation amongst humans.

How could you possibly give that to someone, if you don’t know what that even is?

If you have never received if from anyone before I gifted it all to you – without condition? It’s like trying to teach a fish to ride a bike – impossible.

The effects of me trying over and over again are some that I had a hard time dealing with. Now, that I am finally past all that, I can at least sleep peacefully at night, knowing that I have done everything in my power to help you.
I have done so much – most things you don’t even know of to this day. And that’s ok….you know why?
At least I will never ever in my life be asking myself “what if…” or “I should have…” – I have done everything possible – and I don’t regret a single decision, everything was the exactly the right thing to do in that exact moment!

I don’t regret anything and I never will.

One thing I’ve never told you: you know that I‘ve heard it, felt it, even saw it in your eyes ….. you know it too, neither of us can deny that.
I know for sure that whatever there was, whatever we tried to hide and deny for so long, was something very SPECIAL and REAL!

Perhaps we’re meant to be, but just not in this lifetime? Whatever may be the case, God only knows …… perhaps he decided I deserve better – much better than what YOU could ever give me!

So, I don’t hate you, I just hate the way I miss you – the ‘you’ that never was.