E,

Some days I wake up in the morning angry, some days I wake up sad. Most days I wake up just absolutely missing you. It’s hard to go from talking to someone everyday to not talking to them at all ever again. On the days I’m angry I sit around trying to convince myself that you’re not a good person, but I could never actually convince myself. You are a genuinely good person. A good friend, a good father, a good lover. I learned a lot from you. You taught me how to be a better person. How to open up more, the importance of telling others how you feel, how to communicate.

Even though you don’t reply to my texts anymore, sometimes I still stop and wait and check to see if your name pops up in my notifications. I check every 30 min, every time I remember to. I deleted our pictures in my phone. I deleted the notes I had saved of the date you told me you loved me. I didnt want those things to haunt me, I wanted to heal but I still feel the brisk wind and the rain of that night when we were in the back of your car and you told me you loved me. 

As I’m sitting here just observing how devastating life can be, I realized life is not about you or me. I just try not to die and just let it be. But damn, its hard to live when the taste of you never leaves my mouth. I still will forever have your back whenever you need me. I just want you to be happy. If that make you happy, I’m happy. Thank you for teaching me what love really is and what it really feels like. You’ll always have a place in my heart. Cheers to us, even if we are no longer us. 

I love you, 
-L