Dearest M,
Your vibrant personality, Your wicked sense of self, your lust for life, Chris Martin called it “yellow” but I’m calling it red. Four years ago I went to visit you and on my last night you stood me up, saying you were too tired, I was staying at a hotel and you were supposed to come back but you never did. I should have been done that night, I should have walked away but I yet I still had hope. Not even sure why I had hope.

Here we are 4 years later still wondering why I am here. I do not know if I would call you my “ex” because that would mean we actually broke up and since you float in and out of my life that may not be appropriate. We have gotten close, intimate, I am just afraid this is not what I want. I love you with my whole being, I love your giggling, your cuddles, your love but it’s not enough. I do not want to be in an open relationship, it’s not me. I know it is what you are meant for and because of this we are just not compatible. And we are together for selfish reasons because we like each other and we enjoy each others company.

I do not think I will ever be happy sharing my lover with other women. I know this is who you are and I respect that I just want someone who only pursues me, day in and day out. I want to be the light of someones life. I want someone who drops his bags, picks me up, kisses me and twirls me around. You know I love most when we are cuddling when I move away slightly and you pull me in closer that is probably the best feeling I have ever felt. It is tragic to not have that but our relationship is very hard and life is hard enough I want something easy. Alas I am confused I could not imagine you not in my life, I just need more. I do not want to have adventures with anyone else but it might come to that. What are we going to do? 
Love you today, tomorrow and everyday after that 
Me