M, these are the things I always think of but could never tell you.
You knew how hard it was for me to say how I feel, you asked me to tell what i wanted with you, if I was afraid of falling in love with you, you said there was no need for feeling vulnerable because we had a connection, I told you you were the only one who I was sure could hurt me and you said you won’t.
Then one day you stop replying, not showing up on our dates and finally vanishing.
I told myself you didn’t care about me, that everything was lie and when I started moving on and accepting that idea, you came back,you said you were sorry and that it wasn’t me that it was you and I couldn’t believe it, I thought maybe you care, everything was fine for a while, then it started over again, I knew what was coming so I decided to go away this time, maybe you would care and go after me, a couple days later I realized you actually didn’t care about me, those were some of the hardest days, it was killing me to walk away I I knew how you didn’t care ,but one day there was your name on my screen again saying how you hope I was doing fine, sending me good wishes, you even said I love you and that you hated not talking with me, you were drunk and this time I actually bought it for a second, I thought you really hated not talking to me at least a little as much as I did, I said “wow he noticed I was gone” I hoped it would work out this time. You didn’t wait two days for fucking leaving again, all the times before I thought you wouldn’t come back and you did but this time I waited for you and you never came. I wish you’d know how I still cry in the middle of the day, how I still can’t believe how could you. How I hate you because you had to be the one who leaves, how even though I know you won’t I deep down I still hope you come back. I want you to know how much you broke me