About 8 years ago we went on a trip and it was mixed emotions. I knew I would love you from a distance from this point on as most of our connection seemed to be– it felt like this would be the last time I would see you for a long time. Maybe I should have cancelled my flight. You hugged me hard when we parted ways, tears welled and told me you’d miss me and I was heartbroken. Often I was awkward and unsure of myself and I struggled alot in the time period that you came into my life. I didn’t know what an open relationship really meant but I knew I wanted you in my life. I didn’t feel secure enough to love myself enough to tell you I just didn’t feel safe. I wish I’d been able to be more present, but I accept what has happened and why we did not work.

You got married. Many other life changes in each of our lives happened from that point on quickly.  Eventually I found love with someone magnificent, too. 

Still, you would appear in my dreams and it would be confusing because you would seem to miss me. Probably, I just miss you. The most recent you were in a black dress and it was a funeral. Then, in real-time I felt pulled to reach out casually because it felt like something challenging was happening for you. 

It was a dream earlier this year that finally felt some closure about our connection that couldn’t be labeled. You visited, held me, and that last gentle tether loosened. I woke up– tears. Cool feeling. My heart space collapsed but ravenous and breathing and beating. 

We tried to get to know each other, and I learned how to have my heart open even if it really hurt. I learned forgiveness. 

You had gifted me a painting, and sometime ago the message under the egg shell revealed ‘don’t rush’.