111,

I haven’t felt this low in such a long time. Since yesterday all I’ve been thinking about is what we could have had if only we spoke about this months ago. 

You were so different yesterday but I doubt people would believe me if I told them so I won’t. I think what’s strange is that no one really ever understood what we meant to each other so it doesn’t make sense to them that it hurts this much for me. That’s probably what makes this the hardest.

I don’t know what to do when I see you and I hate that my friends think I hate you because I don’t and don’t think I ever really have. I do hate you a bit for not telling me sooner but everything happens for a reason and if you’re meant to be in my life you will be.

My friend said to me yesterday that she knows you’ll be back in my life – maybe it’ll take a year or two but at some point and I know she’s right.

Little update for you – I’m going home on Wednesday for a while, I think I need a break from everything and to reset. I also waved up at the gym at training this morning just in case you were there like you said you used to be.

I really really miss you.