Hi Z,

Hi. It all started with a hi. What happened? What happened to me?

Over the past couple of years I changed a lot. I don’t even remember who I was back then. All i have is memories of those little conversations we had. You were the only thing that was stable in my life. I’m sorry I chose to push you away. 

I’m sorry i even thought of trying to replace you. No one can ever take you place z. No one can make me feel at home like you did. No one can teach me how to love the world like you did. You taught me how to be the happiest girl in this cruel world. Now that the world doesn’t seem so cruel, it feels empty without you. I’m sorry i chose to forget you. I couldn’t. Please forgive me for allowing someone else to try take your place. 

Z I feel empty without you. Yet I know you and I are a lost cause. I know you’re way happier without me in your life. And I’m happy for you. I prayed for this in all my prayers. Z, I know I’m no one but please give up those dark habits or try to. I know life is getting harder day by day but all these do is take your MIND off of the stress it doesn’t take away the stress itself. Please ask for help if you need to. 

I don’t expect you to come back. I don’t want you to come back you deserve so much better. But know that you are my last love and I’ll always be here. Heck you’re the reason I’m still alive I owe you my life. I know you probably don’t even remember me. Or it’s just Overthinking Ava like you would say. And it’s ok. You deserve someone a 100 times better than me. I really miss you.

I left everything on Him. If He thinks we belong, I’m sure we’ll find our way to each other. I’m sorry I ruined the perfect world you showed me by pushing you out of it. My world seems so dark now. I know I’m your strong girl I can take on everything. But I have doubts more often than not now. Idk everything is just shattering. Every aspect of my life. I don’t want the sharp edges of the pieces to harm you. Please stay away. If you ever choose to come back, I’ll be grateful forever. But I won’t let you take an ounce of pain off of me. I just want you to see what you do to me. How you make me feel. 

Oh and. I’m deeply embarrassed by some of the things I said. I assume you know what I’m talking about. let’s forget those?

Tell me how’s school? What do you plan on doing after? How is your family doing now? Are you physically ok? You’re being able to manage the costs of studying right?

I really hope I was able to love you as much as you loved me. But know that your love is unconditional. I’m truly blessed to be have been loved by you. 

Sorry for wasting your time. 
Take care,
Ava