Hey Applesauce, 

Remember the company we both used to dream of working for? Four months ago, they offered me a position. We’ve been negotiating a contract for the past four months. The contract included a clause that posed an extreme risk to my financial stability. When I tried negotiating the clause, they rescinded their offer.

My first thought? “I wish I could talk to A. about this.” Despite the fact that you were always dismissive towards my struggles. Despite the fact that we have been no contact for two and a half years. Despite the fact that I’ve made new friends who are way more supportive than you ever were. It was still you I wanted to go to and cry.

They say that we crave validation the most from those who never validated us. That would explain this. This may sound contradictory, but I believe that I would have already forgotten you if you treated me well. 

Maybe I only miss you because you treated me badly. Because I feel like I’m still due something good from you. Something you took from me and never gave it back.

I wonder… Do you ever crave to go cry to me when something bad happens, as you used to? Probably not, because I would always validate you. And we don’t crave validation from those who have already given it to us.

All of this just makes me wish I treated you as badly as you treated me. At least then you would miss me as much as I miss you.

Caramel