This has been on my mind, and I wish I could talk to you.  But at the same time what good would it do ? For either of us.  I’ve never been completely honest, so I will tell you the truth.  After we broke up, I got angry. For lots of reasons I know to you is gaslighting or invalid.  But they were reasons to me because things for me were never resolved and it was something I was hurt about but kept hidden.  Things you said, things did, and the way you treated me after we broke up.  They will stay with me.  

When we met, I told you all my vulnerabilities from my childhood, my past relationships, and just in general why I didn’t feel ready to be with someone.  Maybe you didn’t realize how bad it was, or maybe you thought your love somehow could fix it.  But you love was the same love everyone had given me, and I gave myself. It wasn’t genuine.  I was showered with gifts, trips, and compliments.  Everything I wanted without any of the things I needed.  I don’t think you have the capacity to recognize the things you did. Like when you cried and held my hand about my trauma.  

At the time, I was scared of you.  Because I needed support, but being alone in a foreign country with no one around, I felt like I needed to give you that.  I scared about what would happen if I didn’t fit your narrative in that moment. But I know you gave me experiences I will never give you.  I know you were naive, and don’t understand.  So instead I’d rather say everything here to get it out.  Because if you knew, what would you do ?  

You wouldn’t try to make things right, but would you be able to grow from it ?  Or would you just break ?  I rather not find out.  I’ve tried to reach out. But honestly it was for my sake.  I recognize to a degree you’re right.  I am gaslighting.  I should have in the moment left, not held things in until I couldn’t bare it anymore.  I’m sorry.