T, 

I remember watching movies with you and thinking I was the luckiest person in the world. I would steal glances of you and sometimes you would catch me. You would always say “what” and I would always say “nothing”. There was one day when I changed my response and told you-“you’re perfect, I’m in love with you.” I’ll never forget how your face brightened before you leaned in and kissed me. I remember panicking whenever we had our five minute breakups-that were caused by my insecurity and fixed by my house pop-ups. I live in these memories daily and miss you more each day. I’m sorry my addiction caused me to do crazy things at the expense of you and others. I’m sorry I negatively impacted your relationships with others. I’m sorry I crossed the friendship line and ruined our friendship. I’m sorry I proposed with an “ill-suited” ring. But the biggest thing I’m sorry for is lying to myself about how you felt about me.

You were not in love with me and I was just a placeholder until you found better. I look back at all the compliments I gave you and there is never one you gave me in return. The gifts I gave you versus the 0 that you gave me lol. When I needed you most you decided that you would shut me out. I’ve been processing all the things you said, the nasty words you called me and your silence.

How I still tried to reconcile with you and my repeated attempts to talk to you. Me wanting to still be your friend and be around you. You completely and severely removed me from your life as if I never existed… or meant anything to you. It hurt/hurts like hell but I finally get it. I finally understand and I thank you for the 45 days of being mine plus the 3,287 days of friendship. I’m not a saint I did my wrongs but I would have stayed and loved you forever through anything-no matter what you did because “It’s YOU”. I realize when you think of me you don’t see me as the “It’s You” in your life and I respect it. I can finally let go and move on with my life.” If I ever see you anywhere I’ll remember to cross the street, Pretend that we are strangers who were never meant to meet, I’ll never look your way to keep my soul in harmony with my peace, I only ask that you do the same for me”.