Why is all I can say. why did you make me feel like we can be something? maybe i was making us something in my head but in reality it wasn’t
going, like i thought i had a big crush on you. I never said anything cause we were friends and that would be weird if he doesn’t feel the same, so everyday i sat by you on the way home. At school I would play with your hair, and we would talk – i thought maybe he knows and feels the same.

I was think about an ‘us’ but you were thinking about one thing – sex. i never thought about it but i dream about your touch, in you being my first, that what i wanted. but we were cool in, i liked the way it was going. you made me feel something I never felt before.

I was stupid, a lot of boys always wanted my body but i was saving it for the one, someone who loves me and cares about me, but with you my dream went away. So when you came that day and kissed me at my cousin’s house, when she was with your friend, and I lost my virginity, it was the worst thing that could happen to me.

We made out, then you said hold up and took your clothes off and said come on. so i kissed you and then i said – but i’m on my period. you said you didn’t care. then i said i’m a virgin. you said i’m about to take it, but i didn’t want to do it for real but i thought if i do it i can be with you. It hurt so bad and you didn’t care. You got your nut off, but i didn’t. i was in pain and you didn’t hold me after. you just kissed me and left. your friend did the same to my cousin. A few days later we link up again and it was the same. you got your nut off, i didn’t. you didn’t care, you got what you wanted.

I found out after i left the school you were back talking to your ex, and it wasn’t even two week after we fucked, so were you talking to her when we was lying up together? we never talked after that but you posted pictures with her.

i cried cause i knew i would never have you. you used me. you took my virginity and moved on. but i cant. my soul after we fucked was stuck with you. i love you but i know you dont feel the same way. why did you do that? you lead me on. I thought we could be fuck buddies.. but no i’d never do that to myself or that girl, even though i envy her – she gets to have you. i lost my virginity because i thought a boy would want me after. i regret it every day cause all i do is watch your page. why wasn’t it me? i just want you but you love her and it will always be her.

i will never have you but you know after you left you killed a part in me that been broke so many times. i know i’ll never be the old me but i’m still here asking – why?