J,
I have nothing and everything to tell you.
Is the old you still there somehow? Or have you sold your face to a complete stranger?
After parting ways, I let out liquid feelings. They oozed down my cheeks and I could only calm them using hopes with unknown expiration dates. These hopes have long expired today.
A few months ago, I realized the person you had become based on your comments and remarks. I took a stabbing to see how something that was once precious to you had become so ridiculous. Limiting our interactions to just social platforms kept a tug to my heart, a tug I was willing to put up with if only to somehow demonstrate that if better times were to present themselves before us, I would be easily found.
My mistake was not listening to you. I stayed too long, believed in you when you weren’t very believable and wanted to so badly be the person that could pull the sunshine into the universe in your mind that was trapped by heavy rainclouds. Perhaps the rays may chase away the rainclouds then you could remember the way colors looked. I wanted to give you the tightesthugs, but the distance was too far. I really saw so much light and charm within you. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean anything if you didn’t see it or at least try to see it.
You told me you would only disappoint. Congratulations, you were right. I learned that people are not always that great. I no longer expect anything from anyone and, bitter as that may sound, it is actually a good thing. It has made me stronger.
I was never fully yours. You were never fully mine; but you were my almost.
We had spoken about waiting a year or so to see how we are doing. Here I am, a full year later. I am doing great, my life has been blessed, but here I find myself writing these very words in this very sentence to you. You still cross my mind more than I would like to admit. I still remember you fondly, and that makes it hard. For that, assuming that by some miracle you somehow stumbke upon this, I would like to thank you. Thank you for the lesson and for the good conversations.
Yes, we left it on good terms. I didn’t know how much I was going to miss you, but it has been a lot. Eventually, I just grew tired of missing you. I began changing and so did you.
My eyes scrolled past a new page. Though quite uninviting, it had many followers and posts. I soon realized you were no longer the you I was fond of. So I did just that: I got out of your life, just like your page bio asks. I finally left long after you were no longer looking.
And now, here we are, just as we were 3 years ago: two people in different parts of the country leading different lives. The only difference now is that we each have thurough knowledge of the other one’s existence and I am busy in my SoCalifornian life whole you are busy chasing after your self fulfillment in Washington. Good luck with that.
Goodbye
Love,
A