Dear N,

I may send this to you I’m not really sure to be quite honest with you. If I do I don’t care if you read this or if you don’t but this will be the last thing I say to you. I went back on my word to chase you when you’d try to leave me and quite frankly I’m not sorry right now though I may regret it in the next couple of hours. I poured a bit of my heart out to you earlier and you didn’t even seem to care, you hung up in my face and I called back to try and talk it out more only for you to insult me a good chunk of the call. It said because truth be told no matter what terms we are on there will never be a day you won’t cross my mind and I’m not mad at that why wouldn’t you cross my mind. See I’d get all sappy and say you were the first girl I ever loved but this isn’t one of those texts. We’ve both spent countless night and days crying over each other but this time is different for me you attacked me where you knew it hurt multiple times and i don’t know if because you wanted me to feel the hurt that you may feel or what. You’ve called me worthless you’ve said I’m a waste of time to everyone around me and even said no one will ever love me and there’s so much more you’ve said but those are just recent and/or just off the top of my head, it’s crazy because no matter how angry I’d get at you or no matter how I felt I’d never say those types of things and I’d definitely never tell you to die in any way shape or form like you did to me it’s crazy and i know you say you’re stupid for loving me well you did but it’s whatever because you’re probably right. I’m sorry I wasn’t what you needed I’m sorry I would never be able to change quick enough to be good enough for you I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted I’m sorry I broke some promises and I’m sorry I didn’t always do what I said I’m sorry I’ve ever made you feel second and hurt you but I also hate you for intentionally hitting where it hurts but I now know how you feel when you said you hated me and loved me and it’s all cool it’s all a lesson learned in the end I guess I will go to college now some how just to keep my mind busy and away from how you went from helping me and helping each other to us bringing each other down intentional or unintentional you’ll always be the girl who picked me up when I was down and helped me through family issues I didn’t know how to handle. I may or may not move back with my father that’s a thought for another time though I really only came back for you and since it’s over I really have no reason to stay I’ve been moving around for years what a few more times even though you wish I was dead or would die it’s fine Whatever I still wish you well and the best life you’re able to live I’m not that cruel to wish a person dead that’s just not me I hate you but I still love you goodbye