For the people who’s reading this first off: I still talk to this person and maybe that’s not a good thing, but I can’t bring myself to tell him these things. Also this was a long distance relationship, but just as real.

You were my second love. I know that’s not as big as having your first love or isn’t as special, but somehow I love you more than I ever did my first love. You broke my heart. A lot. But it never stopped me from loving you. I pretended it did for awhile by covering up my feelings with anger because I knew I could never have you back. I thought, and I still think, you’d just hurt me again if I ever went back to you. I also have a girlfriend now too, which you know. I feel bad because of it too because I love you but I’m with her. It feels as if I’m just lying to her. I AM lying to her. Because she doesn’t know we talk. I thought about ending things with her, but I don’t want to hurt her.

I miss us… I miss being with you. I want to be with you! Am I stupid or a bad person for that? I feel like it… I miss your eyes, your smile, the way you looked at me, the way you made me feel. That all sounds so beyond cheesy, but I don’t care.

The sad thing is I know you feel the same. But we can’t be together. I mean, come on… my anxiety has gone way up recently because of how long you take to respond and we’re not even together anymore. I know that sounds stupid, but it makes me feel like you’re ignoring me or like you’re talking to someone better.

I just miss you. And I want you back. And it sucks because I can’t.