What I wish he knew

What I wish he knew

What I wish he knew

LTME-post

We have a long past. We met years ago, with no idea we would be where we are today. I loved you like nothing else in this world, heck I guess I can’t say “loved”, I still love you… I always will. I wish I could call you and tell you everything. I wish everyone around me understood that I feel pain too.
I made some mistakes. I was scared, stupid, immature. I hurt you. I hurt you bad. I wish you knew how much I could transfer that hurt onto myself. You didn’t deserve it.
You treated me like a queen. We had our differences, we had our disagreements, but you always brightened my day, I wish I would’ve told you that. My favorite part of the day was coming home to you, no matter how grumpy I seemed, I was always happiest when you took me in your arms, I wish I told you that when I had the chance.
You’re long gone. It’s my own fault. But gosh. I didn’t think I could ever miss someone so bad. So now unlike the Girl I thought I was, I’m on a public site, posting all my feelings for you. I wish I would’ve told you how much I cared. I wish with my whole heart that one day I get the chance to see you again, talk to you, maybe even hug you. I know Life goes on, but without you, I don’t know how it does. I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you, even though you stopped loving me. I wish I could rewind all the way. I wish I could pick up the pieces I broke. I wish I could go back to when it was you and me against the world. I wish I would have been the honest person I said I would be. I wish I could take all your hurt away. I wish I could see you happy one day. I wish you knew that I don’t want you gone from my life.
Now you’re gone. I’ve pushed you out. I still check Facebook to see if I’m unblocked. I still try to send messages only to see I’m blocked. I’ll try every day, I’ll probably check Facebook every day for a long time.
I let you down. I let US down. I failed and I accept that. I wish you knew how bad I want to turn back clocks. But I can’t. I can only accept the pain that I feel. I have so many memories of us. I’m not even sure you still think of me, I don’t know if every little thing reminds you of me. I can’t even go in Walmart. I just can’t. I can’t look at that Applebee’s. I can’t look at that frozen yogurt shop. So many things that I can’t even think about without breaking down. I wish you knew that I break down too. I wish you knew that I have heartbreak. I wish you knew that I think about you every second of every day. I wish you knew that I love you.
I’m not looking for forgiveness. I’m looking for hope that you know what I want you to know. I’m lookimg for maybe a chance to catch a glimpse of you walking into a store, or driving down a road. I’m hoping I get that chance to see you smile. I wish you knew how much I love your smile. I’ll end this letter with this… I’m always thinking about you, I will always love you, I pray I get to cross paths with you in the future. I pray I get to see your face one more time. I pray you look at me and you don’t look disgusted. I pray you read this one day, and understand what I wish you knew. I was immature. I’ll admit that. And I’m suffering. I lost the man of my dreams. And I will always say that. One day, if the cards play right. Maybe I’ll have the man of my dreams in my life again, I wish you knew that’s how I felt before I lost the chance to tell you.
I love you.

2 Comments

  1. M 2 years ago

    I thought this was to me until the frozen yoghurt part. I have my ex blocked on Facebook and I have thought about her every single day for the last 5 years. I don’t think I could go through all that pain again, that’s why I still have her blocked. Maybe he still thinks of you and misses you as well. It’s not a guarantee but could be a similar situation to mine. I hope you find some peace in this message. Thank you for this beautiful read.

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