It’s been a year since we broke up and i still think about you almost every day. I’ve had other boyfriends and lovers but I end up comparing them all to you. We both know what we had was real and genuine. When we were at the party a few months after we broke up and you told me what happened it shattered my heart all over again. When you begged me to come and be with you that night I almost did, but I’m glad I didn’t because that would have undone all the healing I had gone through already.

What you told me that night at the party has stuck with me forever. For MONTHS I thought I had done something. That I wasn’t enough for you. When it turns out that your parents had gotten divorced. You couldn’t tell me because you were in so much pain from that and it ended our relationship. All these what ifs keep going through my head. What if instead of assuming other things I had asked what was going on? I thought you were cheating. I thought you had lost feelings. I should have seen that something deeper was going on. I see you now and I can see the hurt in your eyes. Nobody else seems to notice. I see the pain. I still hear the sadness in my parents voice when your name gets brought up.

I am thankful that you have given me standards. You were good for me and I wish I had been there for you. I wish I had been able to talk to you longer that night at the party and tell you that I am still here for you. You have been with girlfriend after girlfriend since me and they’re all the same. I can see the pain in your eyes and I want nothing more than to be able to talk to you and help you through this.

I’m stuck between hating you and loving you. I hate you when I think about the hours of crying and hyperventilating I went through. But I can’t help but love you when I remember how you made me laugh and made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. If our paths cross again I don’t know what will happen, but to save myself from the potential heartbreak again I hope we don’t. 
b