I don’t have anyone else to go to when you’re not around to talk to because you wanted me to block them all but you got hella friends. You’re doing just fine and as soon as i distance myself from my friends you just suddenly lost interest in me and are distant from me. You make me feel so alone and helpless because if i do have friends i talk to, you get mad but if i don’t i cant go to you because you’re not even here for me anymore.

I want to hate you, i want to leave you, i want to just move on from you but i don’t know why i can’t. For all i know i could just be on dnd for you. I could just be here for someone you just come to whenever. I’m just growing tired and you’re doing okay without me. i mean you’re fine. i don’t need to be here.

We used to lose sleep over each other and it feels like we sleep to get away from each other. yk for the longest time when you dipped and ignored me before two months i would just tell myself its okay he’ll be back to the Tyler you love tomorrow and tomorrow kept coming and i just realized i was never going to have you back. I’m just back at it, he’ll be back to your Tyler tomorrow and we just get more distance as tomorrow comes.

I’m so tired of crying over you when you’re just chilling doing your own shit. i just hung up photos and dyed my hair and i was so excited to show you what i did for you and my new hair and i don’t even think you care. its the first and last thing i see before i go to bed. the photos through my mirror, i can’t escape you.

yk its like i lost someone who was supposed to be my best friend and soulmate but it just feels like we’re strangers. it feels like i know nothing about you now. its like so long ago you just woke me up with a simple good morning (cute name) it seems so long since we used to do little romantic stuff together even though it was last week.

Do you remember when i begged for you not to leave me and you told me i was holding you down. I feel like i’m holding you down now. i’m ok most of the times but sometimes i just get flashbacks and i want to curl into a little ball and cry but i know it probably wouldn’t matter to you. i can’t just come over and say i’m sorry because i don’t know, a lot of reasons. I blocked everyone who coped me through the hard times with you and as soon as i did that you got distant.

I feel like i’m not enough for you anymore and you’re walking away and if you’re happy without me than that’s okay, i just want you happy. but it still hurts. as every heartbreak does. i mean. i used to search your name countless times on snap just like, hey maybe he misses me. and you came back one day and i was like wow. maybe this would work but than it wasn’t the same. it seemed so faked. everything. its like the closer i get to 18 the closer i realize you’re probably not even going to be in my life by the time i’m 17.

I used to wonder how you were doing with the breakup and when you came back it seemed like you were okay. you were making money, you had friends, you seemed fine. I mean. you kind of came back after tearing me apart and as soon as i was able to pick myself up again you popped in and now its worse than before because you’re in and out. like hey there a chance we’re okay than jk nah bye than hi again like. like i’m just here for you to pop in whenever.

Now i mean i took everything of you down so incase i had a bad day i didn’t get reminded of you but i wanted to do something meaningful to you and i hung up photos of you and now every time i look at them i just cry because you’re not here. you’re really not here. i want to leave. i want to forget us. i want to forget you but i know no matter how long or what happens i’ll never forget your voice. your face. the way it felt when your skin touched mine. Ill never forget what it was like to be held by you. but i want to. you used to make me feel whole and okay and i felt like i was on cloud 9 until now. now i just feel completely empty. For awhile it was pockets of i’m ok than emptiness but now its all just emptiness. sometimes talking to you feels like i’m bugging you.

Sometimes talking to you makes me feel worse about myself. sometimes i feel like all i do is annoy you. i can tell you how many times i broke down before the two months and after when we were completely fine but because i just know, we’d never be the same. no matter what happened. we’d always have a hole. i’ve been with you for so long, you’re such a big part of my life and why i feel good about myself but i mean now you’re kind of going and i don’t even know who i am without you. you’re always going to be important to me. i wish it was easier for me to leave you. i wish i could be on my own. i wish i wasn’t stuck just crying over the same guy over and over again.

My mind feels so complicated but my chest just feels empty. my eyes are tired. my heart hurts. i don’t know if ill ever move on. I don’t know if its toxic of me to stay and just talk to you. i wonder if ill always go back to you. the more i try to distant and forget you i just end up thinking about you more. missing you more. there’s no one in the world i’d rather be with than you but staying with you seems to make me feel anything but content. every time it feels like you’re gone for a longer eternity even though you’re not gone for that long. i don’t know if i’m stupid for expecting you to read this and care but i do. I still love you and I miss you. I wish you well.