Dear P

Times have been really hard for me. That’s the reason why I left. It’s been only two weeks, but I miss you so much. Everything reminds me of you.
I told you I am in a really bad mental state and that I need a break. I never wanted to bring my pain into your life.

When we met up, you were so understanding. But then you called me a few days later after and told me about your true feelings. You called because I asked you if you wanted to try to fix things after I go to therapy. What you said during that phone call haunts me to this day. That night I tried to commit suicide. I had no reason left to live. But that’s not your fault, don’t get me wrong.

You know, I’ve been planning this suicide for a while now. Like I said, I did not wanna cause you that sort of pain. So I thought it would be best if I just leave. And I did. And I deeply regret it. Everything reminds me of you, or us. I see you in everything I do. It is exhausting. I am so tired of being constantly in pain. My depression was already bad, but since I don’t have you in my life anymore, the darkish colors of the world turned even darker. 

You are such a perfect person. You were everything i could’ve asked for. With you I felt safe. I felt so confident. I was not ashamed of who I am and how you see me, because I knew that you didn’t care about my flaws. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I just love you. I hope you find someone, that sees you the way I saw you for the past six months. I hope you can find happiness, because you brought me soooo much happiness, and now you deserve it yourself. You showed me a type of joy that I have not felt for so long. And I am deeply thankful for that.

I know this was an emotional rollercoster, but I just wanted to let you know about that. I probably won’t be here for much longer, so this was my last goodbye. I love you.

E