I can’t believe I am actually doing this. 
Right before we first met, I used to visit the similar website that seems not to exist today and read letter there. I maybe even wrote my own, I don’t quite remember. But it was not about you. Crazy, it’s it?  It seems like those days were the last when something in my life could have been not about you. Because then I met you and ever since everything in my life was about you. 
You fucked my whole world up. Maybe it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have given you so much power over me. But I was just a little delusional girl. I am probably still that girl. I believed that we stood a chance. I found everything I ever wanted in you. And even what I never knew existed. I fell for you almost immediately and desperately. And I’ve been trying to unfall for 6 years. But every time I lie myself into thinking I managed to overcome you, you appear or something that reminds of you comes into my life and hits me with the truth: I still love you. And I don’t know if I ever will be able not to.maybe I am cursed to seek the parts of  you in other men for the rest of my life. 
I just want you to know, that your are incredible. And you deserve every good thing in your life. I just wish I was one of those good things for you.
I used to be so afraid to let you know how much you mean to me. Because what was meant to be my greatest strength happened to become my greatest weakness and my deepest pain. 
But the truth is that I love you. I still do and I think I will love you for ever. 
I still pray that one day, maybe in another life million years from now, we will meet again. And that time you will see me and choose me. And fall for me like I did in this life. And we will finally have that life I’ve always dream of. At least in another life time, we are bound to have it. 
I love you, N.