Maybe writing this and getting this out will help me heal a little more than what I have. There was a point in time where I couldn’t fathom seeing my future without you in it, and in a way, there are still moments like those. I thought you were going to be the one I married, the one that I would share my future children with, the one that I would grow old with, and the one that I yearned to spend every last moment with, making memories, both big and small, but it would all be things we would share together.

But sometimes, things do not always work out the way we wanted them to or the way we planned them too. Sometimes, people’s true colors are brought to light when you grow too comfortable with each other. To be fair, you were not the one to fully blame on the diminishing of our relationship. I, too, had my faults that I regret dearly.

At the beginning of our story, it was pure bliss and continuous child like laughter, and I will never forget the glimmer in your eyes during those moments. We talked about our future and how we were end game and that the chemistry between us was nothing like either of us had experienced before. That is where I am left so confused and heartbroken. The end of us was bitter, non-stop arguing over stupid little things. And when you finally called it quits, my heart was shattered. I thought I knew pain given my unsteady upbringing, but nothing hurt as much as you leaving. And when I thought it was over and I was doing great, you strung me back in for a hook-up and then left me out in the cold, again. You used me, but I allowed you to do that because I just wanted to feel your love and touch again, I am the only one to blame for that though, I could have told you no. I could have saved myself from a lot of hurt. Now I am not saying you are a bad person by all means, there is so much good in you, but there was no good to put into me.

You have a heart of gold that would do anything for anybody and I know that if I ever needed anything, I could turn to you. But I won’t. You need to heal. You need to find your true self. You need to find your hope and light, again. There is nothing more in this world that I want besides that. I want you to be happy, I want you to be hopeful, and I want you to find your light again. But that also means that I cannot get in the way of that. I hope that you are doing well and that you are happy. I hope that maybe one day you will find yourself back to me with a new heart. I love you and pray for you.