Sorry’s, Thank you’s & Other things 

One, two, three, four, five 
Once I caught a fish alive 
Erm awkward hi, I hope you’re also alive and doing well? 

It must be kinda odd to hear from me out of the blue
I think this is my way of taking a stone out of my shoe 

Truthfully, even for me this is quite excessive 
So, go grab a cup of tea & a chocolate digestive (or 5) 

Let’s say… 
I wasn’t familiar yet with the art of going separate ways 
(most people would agree that I’m still not and they might be right)
And my common sense was on strike, hence the delays 

Your feelings are important & your feelings are all valid 
In our last few convos, I was tossing out words like a Caesar salad 
I can’t dress this lightly, it was insensitive and not as healthy 

Maybe you took it to heart or maybe you already forgot? 
I reacted to you ending things in a petty way. I wish that I did not. 

When visiting old memories with changed perspectives 
The mirror becomes reflective 
when self-awareness (and not Bloody Mary) starts staring back 

In a way, you were my distraction. 
But no one had ever made me feel so heard and seen before 
In the moment, everything with you just felt right 
And a little voice inside me whispered to hold you tight 
despite, despite, despite 

Disconnected with myself and feeling directionless
My attachment style to you became quite anxious

My emotional rollercoaster had so many ups and downs, it wasn’t fair for you to be on it
Me, myself and I are meant to be responsible for me, myself and I, err oh shitttttttttttttt
(I’m still figuring it out) 

It’s true that you were a few steps ahead of me and knew what you wanted
Liking someone is not enough for a relationship, I wasn’t as level-headed          

Sometimes, I’m oblivious to my own annoyingness
Thank you for having patience 

I have to be accountable for what I did wrong, and I want to apologise 
I couldn’t be the best partner for you 
because amongst other things,  
there was so much on myself that I should have been focused on working on 

The past is something that I can’t change or control 
So, I have to learn my lesson and then let it go 

But I’m glad that our paths did cross. 

Our time together was genuinely a happy that I’ve never been before 
I felt like an unsupervised kid left to roam in a candy store

I read somewhere the other day about traffic test passing friendships and 
relationships being mundane Wednesday afternoons. spent together. 
You were so much fun to be around, 
and you always had something insightful or interesting to say 
I got lost in our conversations about nothing: our weirdness clicked 

The only way I can put it is that 
those two weeks before my dissertation was supposed to be due 
I was really ‘going through it’  

The nights that you kept me company 
and listened to try and understand my troubles 
I felt less alone because of you 
and your ability to see all of my struggles 

I’m grateful. 

You treat people with so much kindness, care, compassion and empathy 
Your existence warms my heart; you try to make people’s lives easy 

I saw someone who was soft on others and hard on themselves 
The weight you carry is heavy, but you’re doing your best to carry it well 

Your beliefs, morals and principles are solid and deeply rooted 
They keep you balanced, intrinsically motivated and always focused 
I have so much faith that you will achieve your dreams and flourish 

It’s difficult to put into words, but the impact you’ve made on me will always stay, 
like a reminder that humans need other humans in a human way

You made a self-confessed communication narcissist 
want to become a semi-decent listener, 
and trust me, that’s no small task 

Your coming and leaving has helped so much with my inner healing
(oh god, I have a long, long way to go) 
It was a gentle tap on the shoulder when I needed it the most 
telling me that life is meant to be good and life is worth living 

On this hot piece of rock and in this temporary space that I occupy 
I get to choose the person that I want to become 
Over and over and over 
Until I get it right 
That’s kinda cool, but unfortunately not cool enough to solve all of global warming 

From me, who still drinks coffee from a bowl 
I want to say thank you Oscar, for touching my soul

I wish you all the best. 

Finally, you’ve made it to the end of my messy messy thoughts on a page 
I know life doesn’t stop for any of us, so please don’t feel burdened to reply 
If I’m being perfectly honest, a BIG part of me hopes you don’t, because if I wasn’t sure that I was mentally insane before, writing something this long, trying to make it rhyme and with my last two remaining brain cells deciding that it was a good idea to email it to you, definitely confirms it ……………………………………………………………………………………..………………………
right now, I deserve to be bonked so hard that when I wake up tomorrow, I think that this was all a dream