Dear Isaac,
Here I am writing “you” a year and a half later. My life has changed in ways I never expected it to change after I stopped speaking to you. One of the hardest things that I found myself to do, but after hitting my actual breaking point with you, I couldn’t bare keeping communication with you any longer.

I am so relieved to say that I don’t care about keeping in touch with you anymore because for the first time since I met you life has been good without you. I’ve moved on, I’ve changed. I worked on myself to heal for almost two years, not just to heal the wounds you’ve cut, but to heal who I was too. I’ve done much progress. Most importantly, I’ve found peace and happiness. I’ve gotten out of my comfort zone, I’ve made new friends, I’ve met someone new, I’ll be traveling through Europe in two months, and I’ll be graduating High School as top of my class in a year and a half. (As if you actually gave a shit lol).

Till this day, I have no absolute idea what happened to you, but I stopped trying to figure it out. A constant year of lead on, emotional distress, nonstop anxiety, overthinking, reminiscing, lies, hurt, manipulation, and humiliation caused me to fear you. My heart beat escalates when I hear your name or see it on my phone, when I see old messages of ours, when I see photos of you because they return my mind back to a dark time.

No apology, will ever be sufficient enough to reconcile what you’ve done to me because it all too late now. No apology, will remove the painful images that I reminisce on when they intrude my head of letting myself go or the lowest I have been because thats what I cry about now. Not you, not us, but myself. The pain I allowed you to create, by taking advantage of the love I had for you and the vulnerability I opened up myself to.

I’ve learned that any apology from you is never sincere, it is just used as an escape from what you really are. I don’t hate you, but I don’t wish you well either because I hold a strong grudge and resentment over the things you caused me to dwelled in for months to a year. I hope one day someone breaks your heart as equally as you broke mine.

All I wanted to do during that time, is to remove the pain from my life, but I was afraid of loosing you, and rather removing yourself from me, you were selfish to feed on the ideas and hopes I held in my mind and heart of you and I, because to you I was just a convenience to keep around. To toy with, while knowing how strongly I still felt. While you so happily got the opportunity to talk to new people, and move on.  

So now, I have to live with the memories I have of you that have created trauma for me as a result of your negligence, manipulation, and selfishness. I realized after clarity settled in my life, that you knew exactly what you were doing, and you’re not a good guy. You simply didn’t care. You invalidated everything about me throughout that time. If I ever get the opportunity to slap you across the face as hard as I can, I’d gladly do it. Farewell.