You love playing the martyr

You love playing the martyr

You love playing the martyr

You’re so full of fucking shit! You love playing martyr and are an asshole because you use your circumstances and self-righteousness to manipulate people. I fucking hate you, and everything about you! I can’t believe I had such thick rose-tinted glasses that I stayed in denial of your asshole-ry for 4 fucking years! I’m fed up of your bullshit… but what gets me is that I feel like I’ll never connect with anyone like I did with you, which is bullshit! I hate that I still look for you in other people and compare them to you, when really I know that they’re better for me than you ever were and ever will be.

I hate that whoever comes into your life, you  may treat with respect… I hate that you connect with my friends and will probably grow closer to them in my absence from the country. I’m so angry for introducing you to any one of my friends.

I hate that you almost slept with me and then 2 weeks later, hoped it would be ok if you fancied my friend and were hoping that I could somehow work things out for you with her! I mean what the fuck – and I still spoke to you after that…many many times after that! What am I, a masochist! I hate that I fucking loved and watched Twilight a million times because you were fixated with it… I hate that even now when I listen to most tracks on my iPod, they make me think of you, and not just old songs but new songs too, that I know you’d love.

I hate that I still give a damn whether I mean anything to you or not, but that you don’t give a shit and waltz in and waltz out of my life, giving me hope each time (Albeit diminishing). FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ! FUCK you! I can’t say it enough times to get rid of all of this anger inside of me! I wish I could yell it all out at you – just lose my fucking head and scream for hours on end at you. It wouldn’t make a difference to you, but I feel like a septic tank full of this vile garbage inside of me – anger, frustration, desperation, deperession – I want it all out! You are not the be all and end all of my life…I will find someone incredible to live my life with, and you will become a distant figment of my imagination – a pebble that I stumbled once, but caught myself before I hit the floor. *yells at the top of her lungs til she’s exhausted*.


1 Comment

  1. Great letter, and I think most of us had one of these in our pasts.

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