Derrick…

WHere do I start? I love you. I miss you. I want to try again. I wonder if things were different in your situation would you give us a try. Or does it have less to do w/ your situation and more to do with your fear of what we could be. Im still asking myself all these questions.

Do you know how many times ive seen something funny and wanted to reach out and text it to you? Or seen a new restaurant and thought, oh that would be a great place for us to go, and then remembered there is no “us”. How many times ive worked in the cold lonliness of the morning at 5am and thought of you, with a lone tear streaming down my face. Or the flashbacks to some of the best sex of my life…

Craziest thing is i know u still care. Yeah, ive stopped initiating texts but you havent. What was the point of breaking up then? The other day you told me you miss me. Come back then. My heart is still open. But you have to do it…if youre waiting on me to do it youre going to be waiting a lifetime.  

Let me be shady for a minute, but truthful: If you dont stop this stupid shit youre going to end up a lonely old man. you’re already in your 40’s, you think youre going to have women lining up to deal with that complaining you do incessantly? –Oh there’s one thing i dont miss, btw.

I dont understand how you can talk to and text and spend time with someone damn near everyday for six months and you don’t want that back. I didnt even do anything to you. All i did was love you. Are you not used to that? Was your last experience that bad that you’re scared? Despite all that you told me , which totaled about 8 reasons, i really think that’s what it is. Im not the last female you were with, im not like anyone youve ever met and i think you know that…well…regardless i still love you. maybe someday ill send this to you…which totally contradicts what i just said. I just want to be how we were. I miss my friend ..I love you