I just want you to tell me that you hate me. Please, for the love of god. Maybe then the next time I see you my heart won’t race the way it does. Maybe then I won’t smile back at you, or accept our friendship the way it is. I know you see how much I still care for you. I know you see how much it’s killing me. Every second of time we spend together is a second I spend willing myself to kiss you one last time.

I’ve tried distracting myself with other boys. I’ve forced attraction that I don’t feel toward them. And I can genuinely say that “getting over you by getting under someone else” doesn’t work. I’ve become a person i quite dislike in order to get away from the person I was when I was with you. Every time we hang out it’s like I’ve been taken back to where we used to be. And it’s excruciating. I love you still for who you are. And I wish you would hate me for who I am now. I miss you terribly, sweetheart.