it’s stupid i know, thinking that your first love was going to be your last. i fell in love with a guy who knew how to use his words, he knew how to get me to fall for him and he used it against me. we’ve had a past but in august we started again and this time it was proper. we argued a lot ues but who doesn’t? it’s just part of the relationship. many times i told him i need to do this alone, i need to look after myself first but he wouldn’t let me leave. he told me i wouldn’t need to learn to live without him because he was always going to be there. i knew that was a lie, nothing lasts forever but st the time, i believed it. in a way i wish i didn’t fall for him, i wish i could carry on with my life and not think about him. yet here i am, every night thinking how different things could’ve been. there were many times where i knew i didn’t need him, i didn’t want to be with him. he wasn’t a nice guy and he wasn’t the person for me, yet i still love him. i shouldn’t. he didn’t appreciate me and he didn’t deserve me. we shared many memories that i feel i can’t share with anyone else. he may have made me feel my worst but he also made me feel my best and that’s what makes it even worse. how i wish i didn’t feel this way and how i wish i could forget about him. it would be a lot easier that way. i know he doesn’t care because he won’t be there for me when i need him the most. i’m just hoping it gets better from here, i want to move on