Remember when we first started dating ? When I used to leave my internship early so i could go to your house to see you.. I remember the first time it happened. You were sick. And i was at work. You said you wanted to see me and I told you I’m sorry i cant come. But all i thought about was being next to you. So I pretended I was sick so i can leave work early and I took a taxi to your house so i can surprise you… I will never forget all the times i did things just to be with you behind my mom’s back. Oh god we made her go crazy … Haha good times… I remember when you used to call me after you got in a fight with your mom. You used to tell me that my voice made you feel calm and happy. Like everything is going to be okay.
I remember when i used to stay over, lie next to you in bed and wait for you to sleep. It made me so happy to know that you felt safe with me.
I used to love watching you fall asleep. You used to make this cute sound . Not tshekhwer but more like an ocean sound . I still have a recording of it lol . You also did these sudden moves… And sometimes your body used to shake for 5 seconds . It worried me. I wondered why you did that. If you were dreaming or smthn. But i didn’t care coz all i wanted to do was be next to you while it happened.
Oh and breakfast…. Breakfast was the best part for me… I remember how i used to steal food from our fridge put it in a bag and drive to you in the morning .. Telling my mom i was going to laser appointment or to see dima… I don’t know what i was thinking.. I know i wasn’t… But all i thought about that time was to see your face while you ate my breakfast. I loved it. It made you happy…
Waal how time flies….
I will always remember the good times. They happened because of you. I just hope you know how grateful i am. Thank you for every memory. Thank you for every touch, every kiss, every time you held my hand, every time you got worried about me, for every stare you gave me that made me feel like i was the luckiest girl alive. And most of all, thank you for loving me once. I will never forget.
You gave me so much to remember. You saw my flaws and pointed them out. You wanted me to be better, to do better…. I remember when you used to get mad at me because i didn’t study enough. I used to hate when you did that. Bas now I’m thankful . Because of you, i push myself every time. You’re like the voice in my head.
I always thought we would end up getting married or smthn lol.. I guess i was too hopeful .. And naive. Everything happened so quick between us but i loved it. It felt right at that time.
I dont regret anything. I wish some things never happened . I wish things were different now. Im sorry they’re not. But we cant change the past.
I love you Mathew. I always will. I know I did things that hurt you and I’m truly sorry …It was wrong and unfair to you… But you hurt me too … I trusted you .. I thought you loved me enough to not hurt me and treat me like this.
I’m sorry if you think its my fault it all went downhill but you made things get worse than they were. From that moment, all you did was blame me. Instead i would have loved if you just stopped and asked yourself what was the problem and how we can fix it. I never wanted to give up on you.
I know you have a good heart and you never mean to hurt me or disrespect me. But this has been happening for way too long. I don’t deserve this. I don’t need you to punish me for my mistakes. My mistakes don’t define me. I cant take it anymore. Especially from you. I made you a part of me. I let you in my life, my family. You know me more than I know myself. But you treat me like i mean nothing to you and it hurts.
I don’t want us to hate each other . And I dont want to be out of your life . Even though, I know I can be happy without you and you can be happy without me. I am happy now… But i don’t want to be happy without you. I want to be happy with you.
I want you . All of you . With all your flaws and imperfections. Again . I know maybe its too much to ask . But deep inside this is what i want . I thought you should know this. I know that you will say i don’t deserve you, you don’t want to hurt me anymore. Or that you will never trust me again.
Well i know what i deserve . But i still choose you. I believe in you. I believe in us.
Do you think there is hope for us?
Do you think you can give us another chance? And let go of the past so we can move on together?
I hope you can. I hope you still believe in what we have like i do. At least, think about it. Don’t push me away like that.
Whatever you choose, whatever you think will make you more happy, I wish you the best of luck in anything you do!