So much has happened in 18 months. I met a man who was strong. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I gave you the opportunity to leave. To move on. Life was about to become hard. You chose to stay – but only half hearted. You never met the train after I’d travelled for 2 hours after procedures that weren’t pleasant. Not once. After all, it was training night. In fact, after one really bad afternoon you chose dinner and football with friends in preference to collecting me off the bus trip from hell. I chose to forgive you. Or at least I thought I had.
The week of my last lot of surgery you went to Brisbane. Exchanging texts with your friend C. Sexually explicit texts involving her friend down the road. You never said no. You actively encouraged this. C has continued to suggest other women friends who would ‘service’ you if you needed a younger and blonder version. It’s good to have friends like this. A back up buddy who is so in touch with herself, that she sleeps with anyone who is willing. The calibre of this friend is evident in how she mothers her children. Bring many men home for one night stands with the children in her house. Even your own children say she’s a slut.
When I phoned you to say I was back in hospital and would possibly lose the implant you didn’t come back from Brisbane quickly. You stayed another day. So much for begin supportive. So much for being there for me. But this is what you told people.
I’ve always felt as if you are sitting on the fence. Always finding fault, laying blame, dredging up past difficulties that should have been put behind us.
I’m looking for a man who will love me deeply. Only me. Not a man who is still searching. I’m not your perfect woman. She isn’t out there Brad. I broke the spaghetti the wrong way. Your reaction was extreme. It often is. I didn’t come to the shower when you showered. You screamed at me. I rubbed your back with soap in the shower, you became agitated saying you weren’t a dirty little boy.
Your way of dealing with conflict is to scream and say unkind things. Your neighbours must think you are a right prat! There is a reason your son is looking to move out!!!! You say your father has a bad temper and you get this from him. How’s that going for him btw? He’s a lonely old man with a white fluffy dog for company!
The world according to Brad – have you ever wondered why when we are apart I’m surrounded by friends, activities and love? I have friends who like me. They vanish when you are around and I’m lonely. They don’t like you! Recently I caught up with friends and the husband said to me quietly – relax. It’s over – it was all about him. Every time he (you) opened his mouth it was about him. There is a reason the our mutual friends don’t return your calls.
I patiently sat and watched you ride your little circus bike. And truly it has become a circus. Even the kids pay out on you. What does B Rad do well? Fall off! How many more broken bones does a man need to prove that he is a man.
We have nothing in common. You said that the Vietnamese trip ( which is still on my MasterCard btw) was my idea and you really did to want to go anyway! You are kidding me!!! You waited until I had paid for it to say you didn’t want to go. So much for the man who says he has a sense of adventure. Who likes all things extreme. Truly. You are delusional! You like the safe activities. Sticking with activities that you know you are good at. The safe soft option.
Last night you said I tried to change you. How??? The only compromise was on my part. Please stay the same. It is holding you in good steed!!! Turning up repeatedly late for dinner, turning romantic weekends away into group catch ups – the list is endless!
Brad you are an angry man who has now failed in every relationship you’ve ever been in and you feel you have the right to criticise and give me advice. I’ve had 20 years married and given myself space to find myself. To explore my world. Time alone to find perspective. The breast cancer was a stumbling block that I didn’t need but hell I’ve got a great 47 year old body that will serve me well.
Good bye Brad! Find a dog!