It hit me tonight

It hit me tonight

It hit me tonight

Dear Ex,

Wow, in a few days, it will be the start of a new semester, and it will be yet another one you will not be a part of. Its been nearly six months since we last spoke. That last conversation left many unanswered questions and we said some pretty hurtful things to one another; I don’t think either one of us expected that the last time we spoke would the last time.

Getting over you has been a process. For the most part, I’ve been doing well. But for some reason, beginning yesterday, I started missing your presence. And today, all day, for whatever reason, you have been on my mind. It finally hit me, that you are no longer going to be a part of my life. I haven’t cried this hard for you in months. But, tonight, I did. My heart hurts, but I know that I have to move on. I can’t ask you to leave a life you’ve built over there. All I can do now is just learn to live with the fact that we will never be.

So for the last time, I love you, but I can’t hold onto the hope of us reuniting. I miss how smart you were, and how much I learned from and with you. I miss talking to you every night and hearing about your day. I miss you kicking my feet, kissing my forehead, and reaching out for my hand when we sat across one another at restaurants. I miss seeing you walk through the door after you’d driven hours to visit me. I miss your smell. I miss all the normal plans we had hoped for once we lived in the same city. Now that you are gone, you are building your life and career over there, and I’ve chosen to stay here and continue on with my life. I hope you never forget me, even now, because only now am I discovering how much you did mean to me.

I told you once, “If it had been another time or another place”… How I wish it were another time and another place. Be well, sweetheart. I love you and miss you.

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